The Grand Unified Theory of Slackerdom

I went to school with a bunch of overachievers and now I work with a bunch of overachievers. I often get mistaken for one, because I work hard when I need to work hard. But no matter how hard I work, I'll always be a slacker at heart.

My dad and his dad my grandpa were a couple of overachievers. They pretty much achieved as much as they possibly could. They hit the top. Missions accomplished. So I don't really feel the need to like, be all achievement-oriented.

Because, what's the point of hard work and achievement? If you asked my dad or grandpa, they'd say something like "So our progeny could have the best." See, they were doing it so I could have an easier life. So why can't I just have an easier life? I can. It's a rare gift, and I intend to make the most of it.

Partly by slacking off. I love slacking off. I make slacking off an art form.

But also by not following the achievement-focused precept followed by most people in this country, as well as my home country. If you've heard of the Hofstede's cultural dimensions, it's the most like their "Masculinity (MAS)" dimension. Japan, in fact, is the most "masculine" country. I am way at the super-super feminine end of the spectrum. I couldn't give a rat's ass about achievement, control, and power, I hate power structures, and I think all gender roles are just excuses for socially legitimizing sublimated opposite-sex/homosexual/transexual/intersex/whatever-phobia. Yeah. There's a reason why I left that country, love it as I may.

Anyway, being achievement-oriented comes with great rewards, but also great costs. You often have to put work before life. You age faster, both body and mind. You should see my dad, all old and grey. And grandpa, rumored to die any day now. Congrats to both of you! Both captains of your industry. But you still couldn't keep the one thing you really, really wanted to keep - me. They really, really didn't want me living in the U.S. for some reason. But I got away. Woohoo!

Plus, you have to put up with a lot of bullshit when you're achievement-oriented. Kiss ass, ingratiate yourself to those in charge, hide any resentment, say things you don't really mean. See, I don't mind working hard, but it's this kind of bullshit I really don't care for.

But then why should I? I have a rare gift. The gift of not really ever having to worry about money, which means not really ever having to kiss ass or ingratiate myself to douchebages or say things I don't mean. Plus, I'm curious how it turns out if I stick it out. Anyway, that, in a nutshell, is the basis of The Grand Unified Theory of Slackerdom.