Thursday, February 16, 2012

Messages from a useless stalking dumbfuck

These are all the messages he sent me on OkCupid before he started showing up at my door. I haven't read all of these yet. It fucking creeps me out.

Sydney was my beloved cat of 16 years who died November. Not a word of condolence from him on the matter. No empathy, no theory of mind. I highly suspect a Cluster A personality disorder.

I dreamed of Tasers every night for a month. Apparently, guns are legal to carry in NY State but not electroshock devices. Stupid. So then I started dreaming of handguns.

Update Jan. 15 2013: Aquamrn is an Iranian male possibly from Eşfahān, Iran, about 5' 9", 46-48 years old. He also uses the following aliases on OkCupid: fdfgfhfgNauty-boywiretherapy2kylestandrums
  • Oct 2, 2011 – 4:01pm

    Dear Wiretherapy,

    Thank you! I read your stuff including the links. The feeling I have is like when you are reading a really good book and you are introduced to a fascinating character. It's a really good feeling. I'm in a state of aesthetic arrest from your almost painfully cool character and narrative. The contrast between your appearance and persona in text is striking—which makes you impossibly cooler. I really want to meet you in person because you are so interesting.

    What's in it for you? I'm not bragging but must be pragmatic in informing you of the deal according to my understanding your priorities: I'm definitely a cute guy. Even if I am not at all your type you will very likely agree that I'm considered cute. I'm highly intelligent, highly educated in multiple disciplines, creative, well traveled and experienced, financially independent, athletic, merciful, nice and polite but able to kick ass. We share, among other things, an interest in psychology, art and animals. Don't be fooled by my okc location, I'm a Brooklyn native but just happen to be in Miami right now. I am utterly free and mobile and can go anywhere I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want. I'm flying back to NYC later this week and staying for a least three weeks (to indefinitely).

    NO PHOTO = NO WIRETHERAPY FOR ME! :( OK then let's make it work. I rarely contact people on okc and don't want to deal with anyone contacting me. I'm relatively wary and vigilant when it comes to the internet and don't like to publicize anything (no facebook, twitter etc.). I propose the following scenario: 1. You provide me an email address (perhaps one you use for Nigerian scammers) and I will email you very recent pictures of me. 2. You like me enough to speak with me on the phone and then face to face. 3. If you respond in a friendly manner I won't awkwardly assume you are "my date" (i.e. for this universe-- but I will assume you are my date and that I will absolutely hook you up in every way in an infinite number of parallel universes).


    Sincerely,

    Aquamrn
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    Message from Aquamrn
  • An image of null
    Oct 2, 2011 – 4:50pm
    No deal. Try again when you've got a few photos here like the rest of us :)Sent from the OkCupid app
  • An image of null
    Oct 3, 2011 – 10:41pm
    a little poem I wrote you


    "Heavy......So tiny.
    She is Wiretherapy.
    She is my black hole!"

    Firstly, I would like to say thank you for the smiley face and for your suggestion. It's fun to interact with you even though I'm normally not into computer socializing--my medium is face to face. Secondly I would like to say, daaaaamn girl, YOU ARE really good at fucking my shit all up. I wanted to show my photos only to you! I even got a little creative and made you a collage/propaganda poster on my computer composed of four very clear and very recent photos of me in three completely different situations and some text etc. I think it looks cool and it's funny too. The target audience is you. When you see it you may or may not appreciate it as art--but as long as you think I'm hot it probably won't really matter that much anyway, right?

    I apologize for not realizing that Photo-Nazi doctrine requires the public display of one's photos on okc. I didn't mean to be subversive or even nonconformist, I was merely under the impression that you might, in special cases, accommodate people who are willing to share photos but prefer to do so privately. I have many good reasons for not wanting to publicize my image in this context. Many good things that I'm happy about and nothing at all wrong.

    You are fly and your gravitational field is so intense that nothing, not even my light can escape. Therefor, I will brainstorm in order find some resolution in this matter. I will take your suggestion into serious consideration and also review my copy of Mein Kampf towards this end. In the meantime my original offer stands and it would give me great pleasure to sweeten the deal for you if there is anything you can think of.

    A

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  • An image of null
    Oct 5, 2011 – 10:20pm
    still brainstorming...added more images, but not of me
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  • An image of null
    Oct 6, 2011 – 3:30am
    dragonfly just hanging out on my kung-fu fan photo just added!!!
    still brainstorming.....
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  • An image of null
    Oct 10, 2011 – 3:44am
    "Don't act like I never told ya!"

    I am very grateful to you for this amazing week I've had. I feel really good. You are probably familiar with Kanye Wests' interpretation of Nietzsche in his song "Stronger" (I recommend the music video--which was shot in Japan). I feel so strong right now that I have to actually restrain myself when I do anything like run or swim etc. More importantly I've been able to write! (I've always struggled with writer's block. I'm not a professional writer but writing nonfiction is important for what I do and I am accountable to other people. My technical writing skills are not so good as you've noticed and I am always embarrassed to submit stuff for editing. I also can't stand anything I've written that's over a few days old. It usually makes me cringe to read my own stuff.)

    People have noticed that something is up with me and asked me about it. Some people have been able make a general guess right away. I've told some close friends the details and they think this is all hilarious and have tried to analyze why I feel this way towards you. Being your secret admirer is lots of fun and seems to be working for me but I am also very curios to meet you in person. At the very least we will be buddies and you will have a new friend who thinks you're great.

    I am in NY now and I'm at your service. Can we please arrange to meet and hang out soon? Pretty please?

    ps. see my photo section for another image
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  • An image of null
    Oct 12, 2011 – 12:32pm
    Everyday--I write.
    I'm your Ninja Admirer,
    your humble servant.
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  • An image of null
    Oct 16, 2011 – 11:57pm
    What a glorious and beautiful day it was! You are with me every moment. Each day fills me with happy anticipation of our meeting. I sincerely hope you are happy--you have good reason to be.

    I love writing you but I don't like actually sending you anything anymore because now I like you so much that nothing I write seems good enough for me to give you. However, if I don't send you something for too long you begin to disturb my dreams, and I know what I must do...

    I know you're into psychology so I thought you might be interested in a rationalization via reductionism as a psychological defense mechanism:

    It's funny that I'm all, "Facebook, shmacebook--get a real life!" to everyone and I've got the coolest crush on a postmodern hyperreal simulacrum.
    It's all just some bits of information on the computer that hooked me up with some really good neurochemistry.
    That's all it is.
    (Baby, you know I didn't really mean that)

    Everyday--I write.
    Nothing's ever good enough.
    Wiretherapy.
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  • An image of null
    Oct 23, 2011 – 4:40pm
    I was at the zoo a few days ago and a tiger walked right by me. He was within a few inches of me on the other side of a glass partition. He walked with poise, and disdain.... He had no interest in eye contact with me but I focused on him so intensely that it was as if my gaze forced him to condescend to give me a gracious snub. He barely gave me a tiny little bit of eye contact by lifting his face and turning it slightly towards mine. I only had time for a brief glimpse (yet it seemed eternal).

    I would love to be his friend but I was satisfied with, and I am grateful for, what I got.

    Today at about 1:10(?) I was on my way for a run in the park when someone that kind of looked like you walked right by me in the other direction. She was carrying some sort of frappuccinoish drink. You can imagine how intense my gaze was but she would not make eye contact!?

    I'm really nice in person and all kinds of people enjoy my company very much. I think you may be shy but please be courageous (it's ok-- and I will understand--if you can't) and accept my invitation to dinner or lunch or coffee or whatever you want wherever you want. Can you give me your phone number so that we can talk about it? ;)

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  • An image of null
    Oct 26, 2011 – 3:51pm
    I was supposed to return to Miami today but decided to procrastinate You can't get Autumn in Florida

    In parallel universes we already met and you were with me at the Metropolitan Museum of Art when I noticed for the first time after many years of visiting
    that there are gold and silver rabbits on one of the masterpiece samurai sword fittings I love it
    (I managed to find an image online--please see my photo section)
    I also peeled you a pomegranate (in this universe others ate it for you--it was reeeeally sweet)


    Fall in The City
    How can I fly me away
    Miami will wait
    It's like I saw a black hole
    It's like I heard one hand clap
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  • An image of null
    Nov 2, 2011 – 7:23pm
    Report about Parallel Universes

    At the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, we see two superb ginkgo bonsai trees. At this time, they stand out gloriously yellow among all the trees of the greenhouse. You watch me as I pick up a tiny fallen leaf, and then save it between the pages of a book.

    Next-door magnificent orchids hang with naked roots in mid air. They are not rooted in the earth, on a tree, or even in water. The flowers are so vivid and robust--we wonder aloud, “how do they live?!”

    Outside we share the exquisite smell of this one flower I find, and then, by the big ginko trees, another falling leaf lightly touches my neck and rests for a moment on my shoulder before you brush it off me with your own light touch (in this universe the wind blew it away).

    At the fountain we notice some coins sparkle and shine like stars while others are dull.

    We talk a little and look each other in the eye... Later, YOU write ME a special poem.


    I love a very funny line you wrote this week-- only you could get away with delivering it You're so cool Thank you

    Yellow ginkgo trees
    The children dressed like zombies--
    they say, "Trick or treat!"
    Wiretherapy glaring--
    says,"___ ___, ____ _ _______?"
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  • An image of null
    Nov 4, 2011 – 12:19pm
    One of my random talents is that I happen to be an excellent cook.
    Innocently trying to google the recipe for Turkey Choke
    I came upon this from TurkeyPro.com--

    "Turkey Chokes:
    Turkey hunting requires very tight chokes that deliver dense patterns of pellets to the neck and head areas of the turkey. Special "Turkey" chokes are highly desirable for turkey hunting, and greatly extend the range of distance you can cleanly kill a wild turkey. Although heavy loads of lead shot has been the traditional choice of turkey hunters, "heavier-than-lead" shotshells can extend the range even further. "
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  • An image of null
    Nov 7, 2011 – 8:40pm
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhAl5qiuF9E
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  • An image of null
    Nov 11, 2011 – 4:03am
    Can you feel my absence? I flew away. Don't worry, we still see the same moon and I'll fly back soon.

    I'm in Miami
    "the autumn moon lights my way"
    You are here with me
    in other universes
    I read to you on the beach
    (Please see my photo section)
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  • An image of null
    Nov 18, 2011 – 12:53am
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrdp7qXMTo8
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  • An image of null
    Nov 22, 2011 – 2:27am

    Look in Sydney's eye
    imagine me there with you
    in the reflection
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  • An image of null
    Nov 23, 2011 – 10:38am
    :)
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  • An image of null
    Nov 24, 2011 – 2:23am
    #nowthatimolder
    iseewhatlifeisabout
    wiretherapy
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  • An image of null
    Nov 30, 2011 – 12:40am
    Flying to NY in a few weeks. Just booked my flight...

    "And I'm feeling good!
    Dragonfly out in the sun
    you know what I mean"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSKbEJVlRDo
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  • An image of null
    Nov 30, 2011 – 12:51am
    hey morning glories
    why are you guys up so late
    staring at the moon
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  • An image of null
    Dec 2, 2011 – 1:17am
    Jung on death:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOxlZm2AU4o
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  • An image of null
    Dec 2, 2011 – 2:04am
    you guys were awesome
    so long sydney & grandpa
    not to be macabre
    i wonder what they looked like
    before their parents were born
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  • An image of null
    Dec 4, 2011 – 6:39pm
    life's a comedy
    like la vita e bella
    EFFECTIVE thinking
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  • An image of null
    Dec 4, 2011 – 6:39pm
    life's a tragedy
    if you feel EFFECTIVELY
    even stars will die
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  • An image of null
    Dec 5, 2011 – 11:09pm
    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/06/science/space/astronomers-find-biggest-black-holes-yet.html?_r=1&hp

    even stars will die
    billions of them will vanish
    "like a guilty thought"
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  • An image of null
    Dec 6, 2011 – 11:52am
    I fear no black hole--
    wonder how it feels inside.
    EVENT HORIZON!!
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  • An image of null
    Dec 7, 2011 – 4:34pm
    seven syllables!
    "If you're bored, go read a book."
    what? --i'm just sayin'
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  • An image of null
    Dec 27, 2011 – 9:08pm
    seven syllables!
    "you need shelter from the rain?"
    the cold winter night
    please have mercy on my soul
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  • An image of null
    Dec 28, 2011 – 12:39pm
    AESTHETIC ARREST!
    maybe I do fear balck holes
    just a tiny bit
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  • An image of null
    Dec 28, 2011 – 2:16pm
    You play yourself well
    That's why I love Yu so much
    It's a tragedy
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  • An image of null
    Jan 1, 2011 – 6:09pm
    Dear Wiretherapy,

    I am very impressed with you. Mommy you're cold!--give you your blankie! I'm not as cool as you but would like to watch you and learn.
    Please try to hang out with me for at least fifteen minutes without fucking my shit up. Deal?

    ps (It's is I who will compensate you for your time)